Unlike Crystal Pepsi
Girl #1: You know what would be awesome?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If rabbits laid chocolate Easter eggs.
Girl #2: Yeah, but then their entire species would, like, fail.
Girl #1: Yes, but they would fail deliciously.
--Bard High School Early College
Old Mom or Trophy Mom?
Teacher: Tyler*, your mom is here.Tyler: Yay! ... Wait, which one?
--Citigroup Children's Center, 399 Park Ave
How the Projects Got Gentrified
Yuppie girl: Sometimes I feel like it would be fun to live in the projects.Yuppie guy: Uh, why?
Yuppie girl: Everybody knows each other -- it's like summer camp.
Yuppie guy: But they shoot each other.
Yuppie girl: Yeah -- summer camp, but with guns.
--99th & 3rd
I Find It Hard to Breathe Surrounded by Walls of Corned Beef
Old lady: This is a full sandwich. I said half sandwich.
Waiter: What's the big deal? I won't charge you for the whole thing -- just eat half.
Old lady: No, no, you don't understand -- I am claustrophobic.
--Flagship Diner, Queens
*Here are some one liners for you*
Dude: I'm so hungry, I'm gay!
--FIT dining hall
Woman: ... But then if the llama gets too successful...
--3rd & 7th, Park Slope
Flight attendant: Thank you for listening to the safety announcement for this Boeing 777 service to Atlanta... [Proceeds in low whisper] Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You don't want any beverages. Close your eyes and sleeep...
--Red-eye flight, LaGuardia
Like Crate and Barrel
Hipster chick: I saw a picture of Susie's* fiancé.Queer: Oh?
Hipster chick: Yeah. His face is really long. And demonic.
Queer: It's interesting how you put it in that order.
Hipster chick: Well, that's the order you think of it when you see him. It's like, 'Gee, his face sure is long. I wonder why? Oh, I see, it's to hold all that evil.'
--6 train
Let Me Apply Some Sunblock
Cop #1: It smells like bacon.
Cop #2: Sorry.
--W 47th St
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