I'm dealing lately with some students who are having troubles adjusting to college. For some people, high school makes complete sense, and they know what to do day to day to be a success--then they get to college and the wheels come right off the wagon. The expectations are different. The old parental support system is gone. None of the old strategies work. Some students are calm enough and flexible enough to adapt, but some others hit a crisis instead. What's frustrating for me is that, although I spent my college years in something like a perpetual crisis, I don't seem to have learned much from it how to help my students!
So I was having a think today (while walking to the store to buy goat butter for the husband's french toast, and let me tell you, the scent of french toast frying in goat butter, mingled with the scent of fresh-ground coffee, is heavenly!) I think that having a crisis is normal, natural, and healthy. I don't think a teacher--or anyone else--ought to try to stop others cold from having their crises. When the ground rules change drastically beneath us, and our old systems of comprehending and acting become ineffectual, then we must make major changes to adjust. All that a crisis is is our own coming to terms with the need for change and the uncomfortable, often hit-or-miss, process of discovering which changes are the right ones for us to make. Crisis settles on us from without; to respond with denial or rigidity is to prolong the crisis and make it more painful. Denial and rigidity will not help.
So I think that a teacher cannot and should not be a force for denial or rigidity in a student's crisis. A teacher must recognize and affirm both the crisis and the circumstances that are precipitating it. The crisis is real. The teacher must also respect the autonomy of the student who is experiencing the crisis. The teacher has no place trying to "fix" the student or doing the student's own work of reacting to the crisis. The proper job of the teacher is to express repeatedly to the student a faith in the student's own ability to negotiate a passage through the crisis. One may offer advice and encouragement; one must not take over.
A crisis feels like a failure, but it isn't. It's only a time for change. A bad crisis is only a crisis which one tries to ignore. A good crisis means embracing fear and confusion and uncertainty and (often) shame. It means taking a wild stab at new ways of thinking and behaving. It means trusting new people in new ways. I hate seeing my students suffer, and I feel a lot of sympathy for them as they pass through their crises. What I need to stay mindful of is that this is how people grow and deepen, how they reach a fuller and richer state in their lives.
So I was having a think today (while walking to the store to buy goat butter for the husband's french toast, and let me tell you, the scent of french toast frying in goat butter, mingled with the scent of fresh-ground coffee, is heavenly!) I think that having a crisis is normal, natural, and healthy. I don't think a teacher--or anyone else--ought to try to stop others cold from having their crises. When the ground rules change drastically beneath us, and our old systems of comprehending and acting become ineffectual, then we must make major changes to adjust. All that a crisis is is our own coming to terms with the need for change and the uncomfortable, often hit-or-miss, process of discovering which changes are the right ones for us to make. Crisis settles on us from without; to respond with denial or rigidity is to prolong the crisis and make it more painful. Denial and rigidity will not help.
So I think that a teacher cannot and should not be a force for denial or rigidity in a student's crisis. A teacher must recognize and affirm both the crisis and the circumstances that are precipitating it. The crisis is real. The teacher must also respect the autonomy of the student who is experiencing the crisis. The teacher has no place trying to "fix" the student or doing the student's own work of reacting to the crisis. The proper job of the teacher is to express repeatedly to the student a faith in the student's own ability to negotiate a passage through the crisis. One may offer advice and encouragement; one must not take over.
A crisis feels like a failure, but it isn't. It's only a time for change. A bad crisis is only a crisis which one tries to ignore. A good crisis means embracing fear and confusion and uncertainty and (often) shame. It means taking a wild stab at new ways of thinking and behaving. It means trusting new people in new ways. I hate seeing my students suffer, and I feel a lot of sympathy for them as they pass through their crises. What I need to stay mindful of is that this is how people grow and deepen, how they reach a fuller and richer state in their lives.
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