As a couple of you know, I had my first ever experience last night of someone (quietly) freaking out on me for being bi. I'd spent the evening hanging out with a bunch of folks, and we wound up at a big grad party. Not my usual scene, but it was fun. I and this chick, let's call her "Chick", with whom I'd socialized pleasantly before, were sitting together, when suddenly Chick asked me about one of the other party-goers, let's call her "Other Party-Goer". "Is the girl she's here with"--let's call her Girl She Was There With--"Other Party-Goer's, y'know, girlfriend?" asked Chick.
"I dunno. Could be," I said, "or could be they're just friends."
"Well, but, she was holding Girl She's Here With's hand."
I shrugged. "I guess they're dating or something then."
"OK," said an increasingly troubled Chick, "but she was dating a boy before!"
"Oh," I said, "Other Party-Goer is bi."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She and I had a talk about it once. See, I'm bi, too."
Whereupon Chick flinched away from me and sort of hunched in on herself, and pretty much refused to talk to me any further. After a minute, I gave up and slid over a chair to chat up another couple (one of whom writes for the New Yorker, which I thought was pretty cool). They were openly lesbian. Behind me, Chick got up and left the room.
Y'know, I don't generally think of my orientation as an issue. I've been out since I was fifteen; it's no secret--but it's not like my bisexuality comes up in conversation that often, and I don't exactly go around introducing myself with, "Hi, nice to meet you, and did I mention that I'm sexually attracted to both men and women?" Yet, I get the impression that Chick was offended not just at my bisexuality in itself, but even more because it came as a surprise to her. She must have assumed, very naturally, that since I'm married to a guy, I'm straight. But, hey, am I supposed to wear a sign or something, to stop other people making assumptions? (Hm, maybe I should.)
Honestly, she hurt my feelings. I have an invite to a brunch tomorrow that I know she'll also be at, and I did think about staying home. But, screw it! I'm not ashamed of being bi--not to mention, gays and lesbians put up with much worse crap all the time; I shouldn't complain. It's just never happened to me before.
"I dunno. Could be," I said, "or could be they're just friends."
"Well, but, she was holding Girl She's Here With's hand."
I shrugged. "I guess they're dating or something then."
"OK," said an increasingly troubled Chick, "but she was dating a boy before!"
"Oh," I said, "Other Party-Goer is bi."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She and I had a talk about it once. See, I'm bi, too."
Whereupon Chick flinched away from me and sort of hunched in on herself, and pretty much refused to talk to me any further. After a minute, I gave up and slid over a chair to chat up another couple (one of whom writes for the New Yorker, which I thought was pretty cool). They were openly lesbian. Behind me, Chick got up and left the room.
Y'know, I don't generally think of my orientation as an issue. I've been out since I was fifteen; it's no secret--but it's not like my bisexuality comes up in conversation that often, and I don't exactly go around introducing myself with, "Hi, nice to meet you, and did I mention that I'm sexually attracted to both men and women?" Yet, I get the impression that Chick was offended not just at my bisexuality in itself, but even more because it came as a surprise to her. She must have assumed, very naturally, that since I'm married to a guy, I'm straight. But, hey, am I supposed to wear a sign or something, to stop other people making assumptions? (Hm, maybe I should.)
Honestly, she hurt my feelings. I have an invite to a brunch tomorrow that I know she'll also be at, and I did think about staying home. But, screw it! I'm not ashamed of being bi--not to mention, gays and lesbians put up with much worse crap all the time; I shouldn't complain. It's just never happened to me before.
Comments
On a fashionable note...please don't get that t-shirt. It's tacky. You should get a shirt that says "bi since 1990" or "ask me about my sexual orientation" or "I'm attracted to mena and women and all I got is this lousy t-shirt" or "knock knock.....bi."