Now is the time when we all celebrate the birth of the best cook in the known universe who is also the most cynical, sarcastic, self-absorbed, moody, loyal, insane, acorn chaser that has ever been. May this Agelamas bring you joy, happiness and fattening food (preferably chocolate and cookies.) The high holy one herself will be giving unto others by preparing and presenting dinner for 135 guests (the most in the dining room ever.) She will then go home and rise Christmas morning once again ready to give. 600 people will be receiving the gift of goose carved with the loving and magnanimous hand of the giver of light. She will then go out to a bar, and drink until she runs out of money. This will be followed by sleep. If there's one thing that the one who delivers us from evil regrets on this, the holiest of days it's that she has failed to be the bringer of bacon. She hangs her head in shame but goes to bed full of potato chips, and the knowledge that some day soon (maybe even Monday) she will be able to succeed in bringing bacon to the masses (or realistically, her fridge.) May your hearts be filled with glad tidings on this holy day.
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